What I'll Miss About College

In approximately two months and four days, I plan on being dressed in a robe, with matching hat, and proudly parading on the front lawn of my school as, “Pomp & Circumstance” rings throughout everyone’s ears. I’m graduating, and quite frankly, I’m a little bit melancholy about the whole affair.  

            On the one hand, I am seriously stoked for the next phase of my life. I want to meet new people, submerse myself into the working world, figure out what I’m all about, and see where this life takes me. However, I’ve found that I’ve had a steady stream of nostalgia washing over me the past few weeks, and it’s finally hitting me that I will never have any of this. Ever. Again. My life as I have known for the past four years, that beautiful, soft, fuzzy, and slightly stained carpet that I’ve grown so accustomed to, that I have loved so dearly, is going to be ripped out from under my feet and I will now have to stand alone. Wah. The following is a list of my most favorite things about college, and what I will miss dearly.

1. The Unity – United we stand…or stumble. Chances are if you’re looking for a drink, the guy behind you is already having one, and the girl next to you has been on a bender for the past 36 hours with no intention of stopping.  Win, lose, (pretty much always lose) we always booze. Hungover? You’re probably fighting your roommate for face time with the toilet. Solidarity. And talk about sister and brotherhood, you’re probably Eskimo sisters with at least six other girls in your dorm alone. That bond is unbreakable (but definitely forgettable)

1. The Acceptance – If you get on the bar, get viciously imbibed, and dance like a lunatic, you will be welcome with outrageous, open arms from everyone else in the bar. Bonus points if people start throwing dollar bill$ at you. And if you fall, may it be into the arms of those handsy frat boys that will start you on that uncomfortable crowd-surfing journey throughout the bar. Just make sure none of them carry you out.

Ew yes

2. The Simple Math – Bobby drank two rum and cokes, had six shots, and did a keg stand all in roughly 46 minutes. How long ‘til he hits the floor?

Love me some damn Giraffes

3. The Dresscode – My attire for the average week falls on each side of the stitches spectrum. 6 out of 7 days a week. Wait, I’m bullshitting. 7 out of 7 days a week, I can be found in my classic sweatshirt and yoga combination, face void of any makeup, without any fucks to give. But then, on those nights out, I dress like I’m performing in a late-night drag show special at some super sketchy club, and you can’t tell if I got into a bar fight, or if I purposely am wearing eye shadow so dark to give the impression that I just got decked in the eye, or slightly resemble Meeko, the scarily personified raccoon from Disney’s Pocahontas. (Note: If you’re high and you think Mother Willow is talking to you, you should probably seek help immediately)

I can truthfully say I’m hit on a regular basis.

4. The Responsibility (or lack thereof) – The primary encumbrance that befalls us every day is class attendance. And even if you don’t make it, NBD. You’re midterm isn’t for like another week or two, right? Hey, do you have a review sheet…or any class notes?

5. Time Management & Compromise 

SCENE: Bar, Saturday Night, Find Roommate after Man Hunting in the Bar

You: *Points to guy you just met* I’m bringing him back to the dorm.
Roommate: Well I’m bringing back someone too *points to guy who could possibly be a minor, but obviously is not your biggest concern at the moment*
You: Okay, well, I guess I’ll leave now. You can have the room tonight and we’ll take the couch if you promise to take the trash out this week.
Roommate: Deal…just febreze the couch tomorrow. We’ll leave in 20 minutes, that way you get ten minutes in the room. Make it count.
You: Good luck, and God’s speed. *Embraces, then high fives*

Roommate <3

6. The Rigors of Academia – I always forget to include Wikipedia and Sparknotes on my Works Cited page.

PREACH

7. The Cuisine – None of which you have to prepare. Caf’s food not looking any type of digestible? Chinese, pizza, and wings, all on speed dial.

8. The Athletics - Cops are busting a party, or are raiding a bar, and you’ve got your fake i.d. on you. Hope your running shoes are tied extra tight. 

9. The Unbreakable Bonds of Friendship – Whether it’s listlessly sitting about for five hours watching you tube videos of some weird elevator prank in Brazil or stealing signs of the Baconater at the Drive-Thru at Wendy’s together, there’s something about those college friends that will forever weld you with them for the rest of your days. 

How You Derin’, Dick Vitale?